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Friday, August 14, 2015

Debauchery among online daters not the fault of Tinder

A hook-up is a phrase used to obscure no-strings-attached sex or one-night-stand sex or even anonymous sex. Only certain types of men and women want to live this lifestyle and it matters not what social media or dating application is being utilized by them to do this.
I was surprised to find people trolling for hook-ups on Facebook and Twitter but it happens. Tinder is not the exclusive hook-up app as some claim, it is just that your social media and Internet use is reflective of who you are as a person. It is a reflection of your character.
Go look at Granny's Internet history and then anyone not old. Compare what you see.
There are men looking for wives and women looking for husbands all of the time across social media platforms because they want to be with someone longer than a day, a week or a month. There are people searching next-in-line for serial, multi-year, relationships. These people are different from the hook-up people because the hook-up people crave new, relationship people crave familiar.
Tinder is a photo-based, Internet dating application where the viewer is making a snap decision based on body shape and attractiveness because being fit and attractive is what is important to the user. Some prefer to be more attentive to stability (enormous bank accounts) and they are called gold diggers. So swipe people are accused of looking for a hook-up just as sugar babies are accused of looking for the wealthy.
What do bars, clubs and churches contribute to the dating scene? Hook-ups--if that is what you are after and other stuff if you are looking for it. Yes, I said churches. Some do go to church looking for a mate (?) or companionship, prayer buddy or spouse.
We all know couples who have asked the church to christen a love child and the church lectured them about the sins of co-habitation before honoring the request (if at all). We all know at least one person who says they've turned over a new leaf and left the bar and club scene only to continue the same lecherous behaviors at a church function or during services. I can still hear echoes of the Lord-ain't-through-with-me-yet excuse. I have even heard of church members stealing away each other's spouses. It truly depends on the person, not the scenario.
The whole point of social networking and social media is to socialize. Socializing is a state of being less guarded and less private. Some people are social because they are looking for work or want to stay in play and some are searching for a physical release or comfort or gifts or attention. We are all different. Anyone seriously searching will find it, within reason. Some people go to charity events looking for hook-ups and other stuff because that is where they think they will find what they need.
Outside of slumming (going way beneath your social class because it seems easier or you have particular needs) most people want to stay on par or go above their social status. The problem may lie with you not wanting what you find or not really knowing what you want and then, you end up in a situation. Tinder is not responsible for your decisions.
Here is a tip: the next time you hook-up, tell the person what type of relationship you want. If they are not in agreement with you, don't hook up.  If you do, understand that you may be later disappointed in the outcome. Don't complain, because you are doing this to yourself. If they lie to you just to hook-up, it is still your fault because it takes more than a right swipe to find out if someone is a habitual liar or is low-to-the-curb or a slut. Here is another tip: if you want a so-called real relationship, keep it zipped. Keep your legs, mouth and hands closed to anything other than conversation. Learn that person first. I bet you will like them a whole lot less or fall instantly in love or decide they just aren't worth your time but you will not feel used or confused. You may actually find a deep and meaningful relationship, so don't get scared.
Here is the point: we carry our behaviors, desires and habits with us wherever we go. If we are of ill repute and poor character, it will follow us around and manifest until we recognize it and change. So you guys can stop blaming Tinder right now unless you want to know why older members will be charged more money for premium Tinder features.
According to a March 4, 2015 Ad Week article found online in the Social Times section, “...Tinder’s decision to charge older users twice as much for the premium service as younger users...” is because older users have more disposable income to pay for it, according to Tinder. The article “In Search of Nursemaid, No Internet Boos Allowed” seems to agree. (Tinder is not saying they agree, I am saying I agree.)
Internet dating for the aged is different that it is for the younger crowd. We see time progression in our profile pics and we may become physically injured during a hook-up. Is the participant in the hook-up required to call the paramedics or is it understood that it is the decent thing to do? How would one contact next-of-kin if the hospital won't let you in the room because you are not married or related? What if the hook-up was underinsured or uninsured? Do you offer to pay for a hospital stay or urgent care as if it were dinner? How does all of that work during a hook-up? Remember when the greatest worry about hooking-up was pregnancy and stalking?


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 If you've ever heard of the phrase champagne taste on a beer budget, you've found me. I make soap from scratch because regular soap does not agree with my skin, I recreate restaurant meals at home, create appliances I cannot install or afford (yet,) and in general, I figure out a way from no way. I pray a lot too. Join me on my journey. It will be fun. 
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